Monster
by 0-8-4
Summary: Ward chooses not to drop FitzSimmons into the ocean.


_**Disclaimer-**_ _I don't own Agents of SHIELD. I'll ask for it for my birthday._

_**Story- **__One-shot **only**. Song is Monster by Imagine Dragons._

* * *

_Ever since I could remember,_

_Everything inside of me,_

_Just wanted to fit in_

_I was never one for pretenders,_

_Everything I tried to be,_

_Just wouldn't settle in_

"Ward, just think about this!"

"Ward, Ward! Okay, just wait, wait, wait! Ok, ok, ok!"

Ward could hear the two scientists pleading with him. He didn't look at them. He remembered the last time he had looked at his victim and the pain that had blossomed in his chest. His finger hovered above the red button and he dropped his head.

_-Flashback-_

Buddy was staring up at him with dark, trusting eyes. It was as though he didn't understand why Ward was pointing a gun at him. He trusted Ward too much to be scared by the gun. However, Ward knew that would change the moment he fired the gun.

He couldn't look at Buddy. The dog's chocolate brown eyes were so innocent. He raised the gun in the air and fired, keeping his eyes tightly closed.

Buddy's tail waved in the grass as he bounded away.

_-End of Flashback-_

His fingers strayed away from the button and Ward let out a frustrated sigh and tried to guide his fingers back towards the button that he knew would cause FitzSimmons to be dropped into the water in something that was nothing more than a metal box. It was like he was throwing away a piece of trash, not two people he had gotten to know and though he'd never admit it, had become like family. They were more like his family than Garrett was. He knew they didn't deserve this, but still he had to do this. He owed Garrett this much.

_If I told you what I was,_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

_And if I seem dangerous,_

_Would you be scared?_

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

_That this problem lies in me_

Ward knew he was thinking too long. He should have already put them down.

But he couldn't stop thinking about what might happen if Garrett and he didn't win. If somehow, Coulson and the team were able to be successful. And Ward knew that they might very well be successful. The team was strong, and that was why Ward knew FitzSimmons would survive this. If anything it would make them stronger. At least that's how Ward convinced himself.

He thought about how the entire team had become like a family. At least it was his rather twisted idea of what a family should be. But then, they all had rather twisted ideas of family, so maybe they weren't so far apart. They were kinder than Garrett, but he owed Garrett so much, didn't he?

And then there was Skye. He knew what she thought about him and his decision. He was despicable, he should rot in hell. That he was a monster and he deserved to die. He really couldn't blame her, in fact he rather believed those words himself.

Especially after hearing her spit those words at him and then tell him that she was only trying to have an honest conversation with him.

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me_

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

_A monster, a monster_

_I've turned into a monster,_

_A monster, a monster_

_And it keeps getting stronger._

He really was a monster.

And if he put FitzSimmons down, like Garrett wanted, he'd be even more of a monster. Ward was already a monster, for sleeping with May, for even contemplating killing the two scientists, for hurting Skye, and especially for betraying the team that was his family.

He was thinking through this too much. If he wanted to please Garrett, he would've just shot FitzSimmons. He would have easily been able to shoot them when they had run.

Yet he had somehow let them go, because deep down he wanted them to make it. There was something holding him back though. He had let himself get too attached.

He didn't truly want to kill them. He just wanted to make Garrett proud. He just wanted to make someone proud of him.

_Can I clear my conscience,_

_If I'm different from the rest,_

_Do I have to run and hide?_

_I never said that I want this,_

_This burden came to me,_

_And it's made its home inside_

And so as Ward's fingers hovered over the red button, with FitzSimmons' pleas ringing in his ears, he found he couldn't make up his mind.

Images flashed in front of him, blurring with the grey of the corridor and the red splash of the button. Buddy turning and fleeing, the trust in his eyes shattering to pieces. Ward staring after him, watching as he ran through the grass, disappearing from sight.

The shot. It echoed around him for miles, making the blood pound in his ears, his eyes glazing over with tears. He couldn't let Garrett see those tears. In fact he couldn't let anyone see those tears. Maybe that was why he was so screwed up.

Ward swore softly and slammed his fist against the side of the panel. His fist missed the button by centimeters and he heard FitzSimmons' simultaneous sigh of relief.

He didn't even look back as he walked away.

He wasn't going to be a monster.

* * *

***END**

_Just a very short one-shot about Ward and the decision he made. Or at least in this story, __didn't__ make. Thanks for reading!_


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